Am not a psychotic that I live with the fear of being alone. I did not ever enjoy seclusion or loneliness. It was always easy to spot me amid a bustling crowd because I was best when I was with people talking or having casual fun.
But in the journey of life, everyone faces life altering moments and from those moments onwards, your life changes. Well similarly, I had been subjected to some events that changed my life. I no longer feared loneliness.
Rewinding time, and going back to that day when I was too messed up in my head due to a lot of emotional stuff that was going on, I wanted a friend or someone who cared enough for me. I needed a shoulder to cry on and someone I could confide in. But despite, having too many caring friends I failed to find that one person who could lift my spirit and who would have shown me the light of faith. Who would have reinstalled that hope in me and would have just looked into my teary eyes and said “everything will be ok”.
But that day nothing went ok. Rather after the dark clouds of sorrow had subsided I discovered immense strength in me that I had not known for long. That very same night, I cried my heart out and realised that I am not bound by dependency on others nor am I afraid of being alone. That night I may have fallen asleep crying but I woke up to new times.
I always thought that I need someone at all times to make me feel secured and protected. But not any more. Maybe that day made me aloof and I detached with the world for a while or for longer, who knows. But I believe it was all for good. Now, I do not expect from people and thus, I save myself from the trouble of disappointment.
Well I certainly believe that people don’t change only their lives change. We all remain the same. We have an angel and a devil in all of us. Its our choice to act anyone out of the two. I don’t know if it’s the angel or devil writing this here, but I do know its not a pleasant feeling of independence. Because I have always been spotted amid a crowd and this change is not what I really opted for. Sooner or later, I will bounce back to the place where I belong and loneliness definitely is not my abode.
